I Wouldn’t Say Crime Lord…

INT. HIDEOUT
MIKEY, SAMMY, JOHN and BARRY have just come in with several sacks full of money. They are dressed all in black.
MIKEY
Will you look at all this cash. I told you I could do it. You guys didn’t believe me.
JOHN
That’s why you’re the boss.
MIKEY
That’s right. It’s all thanks to me, the biggest [...]

Applesauce: The Melting Pot of New York

EXT. NEW YORK CITY
A beautiful montage of shots of NYC.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is a story of a large man in a large city, and the course of
events that changed his life, and the lives of everyone in that city
during the Great Swine Flu Crime Wave of 2009.  It’s the story of a
man called, Applesauce: The New [...]

You Slapped My Dad

INT. JEFF’S DAD’S HOUSE.
ADAM and JEFF are two 32 year old guys. They are playing video games and eating chips. Jeff is clearly winning. Jeff’s Dad, CARL walks in.
CARL
Hey Adam, son. How you guys doing?
ADAM
Not good Mr. Walker.
CARL
Wow. You are getting crushed.
ADAM
Yeah. No shit.
CARL
Have you ever played this game [...]

Seriously, Nothing!

MARK is standing on empty stage. GARY walks slowly up to him.
MARK
What’s going on? What have you been up to?
GARY
Nothing.
MARK
Really? You must have done something.
GARY
Yesterday I sat in a white room with no windows drinking water and eating dry toast while staring at the wall.
MARK
That is nothing.
GARY
I told you. I am [...]

I DO NOT GENERALIZE

INT. LOCAL BAR.
JOHN and LARRY are sitting in a bar.
JOHN
You’re racist.
LARRY
No. I’m not.
JOHN
Yes you are.
LARRY
I am not.
JOHN
Let me give you an example. What do you think of Asian people?
LARRY
I think they are fine.
JOHN
Racist.
LARRY
How is that racist?
JOHN
How isn’t it?
LARRY
In every way it’s not racist.
JOHN
In every way it is racist. Racist.
LARRY
What is racist about saying [...]

GUITAR DOUCHE SAVERS

JAKE is standing on a subway platform. He’s got a guitar over his shoulder. STEVE and MARK walk by him
MARK
I hate that guy.
STEVE
Me too. I don’t even know why. Just want to hit him.
CUT TO: HOST in a infinite white room.
HOST
The reason they hate him? It’s the guitar. Studies [...]

No Tattoo For You

INT TATTOO SHOP
MARTY walks into a tattoo shop. He’s a thin dorky looking guy. He’s carrying a hand drawn picture of a flaming skull. SPIKE, who is covered in tattoos and had spiked hair is working the front desk.
SPIKE
Hey man. What can I do for you?
MARTY
I would like to get his tattooed on [...]

Weekly World Correction

INT. WEEKLY WORLD NEWS CONFERENCE ROOM
A small group of people in suits are sitting around a conference table. MR. WALKER is at the head of the table.
MR. WALKER
And I like a lot of the ideas we came up with today. This is going to be one of the best issues of the Weekly [...]

1-900-DESPERATE

JOHN and HARRY are sitting together on a couch in an old folks home.
JOHN
She was the greatest person I ever met. My sweet Betty died one year ago today. We were married 57 years.
HARRY
She sounds like a great lady. You were lucky. I never met anyone like that. Spent all my life alone. I always [...]

STARBUCKS SQUATTER

INT. Starbucks in Williamsburg Brooklyn
APRIL and MARK are working behind the counter at a Starbucks and keep looking over angrily at JEFF. CUSTOMER ONE approaches Jeff’s table, which is covered with his computer, a newspaper and a couple of magazines.
CUSTOMER ONE
Excuse me sir. Can I borrow this seat?
JEFF
No.
APRIL
I hate that guys. He’s [...]

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