Dustin D’Addato.com

INT TATTOO SHOP

MARTY walks into a tattoo shop. He’s a thin dorky looking guy. He’s carrying a hand drawn picture of a flaming skull. SPIKE, who is covered in tattoos and had spiked hair is working the front desk.

SPIKE
Hey man. What can I do for you?

MARTY
I would like to get his tattooed on my right arm. Right here.

SPIKE
Let me see…nope. Sorry dude.

MARTY
Do you not have anyone available? I can make an appointment and come back.

SPIKE
Yeah. You can’t pull that off.

MARTY
Excuse me?

SPIKE
Look at you bro. You’ll get your ass kicked.

MARTY
But I want that tattoo and I heard you are the best. I want you to do it.

SPIKE
I am the best and I’m not letting some geek ruin my reputation. Maybe if you got something else.

MARTY
Like a dragon.

SPIKE
Try again.

MARTY
Oh. One of those barbwire tattoos.

SPIKE
The kind that go all around the arm like this.

MARTY
Yeah.

SPIKE
No way.

MARTY
Fine. What would you tattoo on me?

SPIKE
I don’t know. Nothing. You are not a tattoo guy.

MARTY
Oh, and what is a tattoo guy? Some tough guy who’s given up all hope of having a job in main stream America.

SPIKE
Yeah. Exactly.

MARTY
How do you know I’m not that guy?

SPIKE
Your t-shirt is tucked into your jeans. That’s one way.

MARTY
You think you’re so cool.

SPIKE
I didn’t say that. Just that I know for sure that you are not. Look bro. I’m doing this for you. If I give you this tattoo or any tattoo people will laugh at you…more than they probably do now.

MARTY
Yeah. I know that…now. But they are going to do that anyway. But when I get old they will still be there.

SPIKE
So.

MARTY
So when I get old and can’t remember things any more it will still be there. And when I look at it and maybe I will forget being a dork and think that I was one bad ass mother fucker.

SPIKE
You know what? That’s cool. Alright. I’ll give you a tattoo, but not that flaming skull.

MARTY
Why not?

SPIKE
It doesn’t mean anything. But if you want to remember something, how about this.

He shows him a picture of a tattoo that’s a hot woman in a bikini and the words PROPERTY OF CANDY written on it.

MARTY
Who’s Candy?

SPIKE
I don’t know. But it’s someone I would like remember.

MARTY
Nice.

SPIKE
So that one will cost you $120. How would you like to pay?

MARTY
Oh. My mom is coming over when she’s done buying underwear. She’s going to put it on her credit card.