Dustin D’Addato.com

JAKE is standing on a subway platform. He’s got a guitar over his shoulder. STEVE and MARK walk by him

MARK
I hate that guy.

STEVE
Me too. I don’t even know why. Just want to hit him.

CUT TO: HOST in a infinite white room.

HOST
The reason they hate him? It’s the guitar. Studies have shown that while only 40% of people with guitars are actual full on douche bags and 97% are perceived as douche bags.

Jake walks into the infinite white room.

JAKE
But what can I do? I need to get my guitar to the gig bro.

HOST
First off, don’t call my Bro. Ever. And I’m about to tell you. Studies also show that while only 37% of girls are normally bitchin’ 100% of chicks with guitars totally rock. So why not hire a girl to carry your guitar?

JAKE
Hire a girl? But girls can’t rock.

HOST
Okay. That’s sexist. And totally not true. Anyway, we hear at the Shredder Corp.

JAKE
Cool name.

HOST
Thanks. I’m so glad we can impress you. We hear at Shredder Corp specializing in pairing guys who play guitar who don’t want to look like a douche with dorky girls who want to appear cooler.

JAKE
Can I see one of the girls.

HOST
Fine.

Natalie enters the room. She’s wearing a guitar.

NATALIE
Shredder Corp totally worked for me.

JAKE
Hey. She totally does rock. That chick is hot.

HOST
See. I told you.

JAKE
Who wouldn’t want one of those?

HOST
No one. It’s the perfect arrangement. Girls get cooler and guys don’t look like a douche. Everyone wins.

JAKE
Awesome bro. Where do I sign up?

HOST
You can’t because you actually are a douche.

JAKE
Harsh dude. Harsh.