Are You Cool? Inc.

By admin • September 22, 2009

CHUCK is on an infomercial type set. He is dressed in a very cool outfit and talking inaudibly to a sexy girl. He notices the camera. Cuts back and forth when other people talk.

CHUCK
Being cool. Coolness. Being the motherfuckin’ man. Everybody wants to be cool but not everybody is. Are you cool? Yes, because you are considering buying an “Are You Cool” Franchise. And That is cool.

ALFRED
But how does it work?

CHUCK
It’s simple as shit. You open up a store. People come in, ask you if they are cool. You tell ‘em and they give you money. Transaction over. It’s that easy so call now, unless you are not cool enough.

GARY
How do I know who is cool?

CHUCK
Simple. You just know man. Like look at these two people.

Cut to shot of two people. Guy A is making out with a girl in a mustang. Guy B is wearing a backpack and reading the dictionary.

CHUCK
If you said Guy A, you are right. If you said Guy B you are a total loser and you should turn this tape off right now. And you make me sick. Here’s the thing about coolness. You just know.

NANCY
But am I really cool enough to judge how cool other people are?

CHUCK
Yes. Here’s the dirty little secret they don’t want you to know. Judging other people’s coolness actually makes you seem more cool. So the more you do it, the cooler you become.

JAKE
But what if I can’t afford the $75,000 franchise fee?

CHUCK
They you are a loser. Get the money loser or no one will every like you.

LUKE
Isn’t that a little harsh.

CHUCK
Only if you are a loser. So send me a check and I will make you the coolest person in the world. Or don’t and everyone will hate you.