Dustin D’Addato.com

EXT. NEW YORK CITY
A beautiful montage of shots of NYC.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is a story of a large man in a large city, and the course of
events that changed his life, and the lives of everyone in that city
during the Great Swine Flu Crime Wave of 2009.  It’s the story of a
man called, Applesauce: The New York Melting Pot.

GUY 1
This city was a mess.  You couldn’t walk down the street and feel safe
until Applesauce showed up.

GUY 2
He wasn’t just a tough guy.  He was a new bread of tough guy.  He
could punch someone so hard their face would melt.

APPLESAUCE
I would turn their face into applesauce.  That’s why they call me
Applesauce.  Because of the applesauce thing.   You wanna see?

NARRATOR
No.  No.  Thank you.  New York was a city in need only he answered the call.

CRIMINAL 1 (with no head, just a bowl of applesauce)
I was headed in a bad direction.  A read bad direction and then
Applesauce taught me a lesson, by melting my face and whole head to
Applesauce.  Now I am on the straight and narrow, I think.

APPLESAUCE
People gotta know there is consequences for their actions. I ain’t
gonna let New York go down because people ain’t got no purell and get
all swine flued.  Fuck that.  You break the law,  Applesauce.

NARRATOR
But not everyone agreed with Applesauce’s tactics.

CUT TO POLICE INTERROGATION

DETECTIVE
You think what you’re doing is okay?  You think you can just turn
people’s face to applesauce?

APPLESAUCE
I wouldn’t have to if you did your job.  This city is turning into a
cesspool and the only thing that is stopping it is me.  I’m the only
thing protecting us from those low life hoods.

DETECTIVE
Well isn’t that the melting pot calling the kettle black.

APPLESAUCE
I don’t see how you mean?

DETECTIVE
Just that whole you calling them criminals, but you killing peole
yourself.  So you are like criminal.  The whole pot calling the kettle
black thing, but since you melt people.  I was trying to be cute and
it didn’t work okay.  The point is, you are bad for this city and your
are going to jail.

APPLESAUCE
Oh yeah?

CUT TO SHOT OF DETECTIVE WITH A BOWL OF APPLESAUCE FOR A HEAD.
DETECTIVE
He was right.  He was good for this city.  I know that now.

SOMEONE TRIES TO DIP SOMETHING IN HIS HEAD.

DETECTIVE
Stop that.  That’s my brain.  Oh, great.  Now I don’t know algebra any more.

CUT BACK TO APPLESAUCE

APPLESAUCE
As long as this city needs me I will be there to turn anyone’s head
into applesauce.  Because I am a New Yorker and when someone pushes
us, we push back.  And we like applesauce.  So win, win for everybody.