Dustin D’Addato.com

JOHN and HARRY are sitting together on a couch in an old folks home.

JOHN
She was the greatest person I ever met. My sweet Betty died one year ago today. We were married 57 years.

HARRY
She sounds like a great lady. You were lucky. I never met anyone like that. Spent all my life alone. I always found it so hard to meet people. How did you two meet?

JOHN
On one of those chat lines. You know where you can meet local singles in your area. I think it was 1-900-Love-Chat She was a local single

HARRY
What? No you didn’t.

JOHN
Oh yeah. I met a lot of girls that way. All the coolest people are on there and they wanted to chat.

HARRY
What are you, a commercial? Those things aren’t real.

GUS
Yes they are. That’s where I met Gladys.

CHUCK
And that’s where I met Crystal.

JOHN
It’s really the only way to meet people.

HARRY
But I thought that was pretty much just paid phone sex.

JOHN
I mean, it usually turned in to that. But that’s what happens when you speak to sexy singles in your area.

GUS
They’re hot, horny and ready to go. At least Gladys was.

HARRY
So they weren’t just some late night commercials to get desperate men who are up too late to talk to fat chicks hundreds of miles away for nine fifty a minute.

JOHN
I mean it says it right there in the commercial. All the coolest people are on those chat lines. They couldn’t say that if it wasn’t true. They are fun and hip and looking to meet somebody, tonight. That very night. What more could you ask for. I don’t think I ever called and didn’t sleep with a woman that very night.

GUS
Me neither.

CHUCK
Nope. Worked like a charm every time.

HARRY
So I spent all my life alone when I could have just called that number and met someone great.

JOHN
Yeah.

HARRY
Well it’s not too late. I’m going to call now.

JOHN
You can’t. You’re not young, cool and sexy any more. They won’t let you on the line.

HARRY
But wait, the other night. I think I saw one for older people. Yeah, it was a chat line were older folks could go and meet other old folks and talk about kids and the way it used to be and how much harder it is to do everything and maybe have sex.

JOHN
Now. Those are a scam.

GUS
Yeah. No way they are true.

CHUCK
Forget about it.

HARRY
So I’m going to die alone.

JOHN
You should have called when you were younger. Upside, you’ll probably die soon so you’re in the home stretch.